Vacation...

If you checked out my husband's blog, you know that we're only a week away from vacation. I really, really need it. Seriously. I woke up this morning and was so...agitated...I guess that's a good word, that I am amazed and extremely thankful for the grace of God that got me through the day. After weeks of doing "catch-up" work at work, now it's time to get a show up and we're a little behind schedule due to several things- coordinating schedules with the guest designer being a primary issue- but things are under way and all will be well. I need to get some work on Big River done before we leave and all sorts of other details at home and at work... Why is it that things always seem to get even crazier before a vacation? I feel like I have run out of steam. I need a change of location and pace, I think. I just pray we can get to Florida. We're flying American- 'nuff said.

I am trying to listen to God and figure out how to live my life with less stress. Most of my stress is work-related. I'm not sure how to deal with that- since nothing seems to change. We had a staff retreat last week and talked about respect and trust and all that good sort of stuff. It was a bit eye-opening for me. I realized I don't fully trust folks. I think it's because even if we discuss issues, nothing ever really seems to change. Little improvements- material improvements, are made over time- but the important stuff, relational issues and such- no change. So I guess it makes me feel like if we are "discussing issues" that it's just "talk," and what's the point? It just feels like we're going in circles, talking about the same issues over and over again- and some things are polarities- and will always be there- and that's fine. I can deal with that. But I'm tired of not feeling safe enough to talk about stuff that actually matters. I'm tired of "christianese" in all arenas. Surely, Jesus could have cut to the chase and would have been able to speak the truth in love. I feel like all we want is love, and not the truth. I know I'm not a fan when it's a truth I don't want to hear, my defenses go up...but then I realize it is TRUTH and I suck it up and deal and am usually a better person for it. I know there are tasks to be done and task people to do them, but here's the deal. ALL OF IT WILL COME TO PASS. People are the things that are eternal. Relationships are eternal. Stuff is stuff. I don't know- my brain is tired from keeping all the plates spinning. I need to let them crash. Sadly, I don't know that I can let them crash. Sigh. I guess I am just feeling fried and a little blue. And today is the month anniversary of Max's death. Marty is at band practice, preparing for a friend's birthday party tomorrow. I think I am a little lonely. I went for a lovely long walk this evening and enjoyed all the flowers, and got a little depressed at the fact it seems like we'll never be able to afford a home of our own. I just don't know what to do with myself this evening. Bummer.

7 days until vacation.