...that is my life. Truly, the paparazzi quake in their boots. Just kidding. So what's new? An elderly constipated cat (again) and work and art and church. Oh my.
It's been pretty quiet for me around Camp Taproot, for a change. In all honesty, I am not quite sure what to do with myself. So I am catching up on intern applications and weird little jobs around the shop. The next show is Doubt which is mostly rented from the Rep- so it's pretty easy. Which is DELIGHTFUL.
We took down my art show in West Seattle- no sales or anything-but I didn't really expect any. Now I am just working on my Stations of the Cross project for Good Friday. I have tossed 2 ideas SO FAR. Yikes. I think I had ideas that were too grand for the scale I am to work in, so, I am doing a Scrabble collage- which is fine, God always seems to show up in those collages.
I am still praying and seem to be doing pretty well in that area of my life. The depression does try and sneak back now and again, but not with the vengeance it did before. I am currently reading Captivating by the Eldredge's and it's quite an interesting read. It's a lot to think about. It's very intimidating to think of how much devil hates women....but then you think about how much God LOVES women...and there you go. Some interesting thoughts along the way...
-Eve was the last thing created- the pinnacle of creation
-Yep, she blew it BIG TIME, but in the original text, Adam was standing "elbow to elbow" with her, perhaps he could have said, "Uh, honey...I don't think you should eat that." But no, he just stood there. Like a lump. And ate the fruit. People are stupid. We do stupid things.
-As a result, the Curse. Men now have dominion over women...but this is a POST-fall development, they were equal beforehand. And I can't help thinking that if we're trying to restore things to as God intends....well, you fill in the blank. Suffice it to say, I think a lot of men are missing out if they don't allow women to be themselves in regards to God.
-God loves women. He loves the emotion and all the crazy stuff that makes men uncomfortable and want to back off. How sad. Women need their men, but men are scared they can't handle their women, so they back off and women feel alone (regardless of whether or not they are alone) and that nasty fear of abandonment that the devil likes to torture women with becomes this horrible cycle. You don't have to be physically alone to feel abandoned. I had no idea that this was a "woman-wide" issue. I thought it was just me being stupid and not having my crap together. But most women have to battle this. I used to have horrible dreams of Marty abandoning me- we call them the "Bad Marty" dreams- and the pain that is in my heart when they happen is undescribable. It's physical, it hurts so much. So many women, dealing with so much pain - from their childhood on...it's horrible. Things that parents or schoolmates said haunt us. I remember when I was in middle school, I got in big trouble about something and my mom said, "I love you , but I don't like you." I'm sure she probably doesn't even remember that- but I have felt that my mother doesn't like me for most of my life. Seventeen magazine tortured us- what 12 year old needs kissable lips and a complex because she's not a size negative 6? As adults, we are constantly bombarded with the supermodels, Oprah's and Martha Stewart's of the world telling us that we are not good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, young enough, our house is not clean enough.....and then if you happen to go to church! Well, then you have to serve the church and pray and be all spiritual on top of all this other stuff. And there are plenty of Christian books to tell you how to be a "Godly woman." It makes me exhausted. We become spiritual "Martha's" who work and pray our tails off. And we are TIRED. I think about the Proverbs 31 superwoman and it makes me TIRED. Don't you think she was exhausted? Yikes. Life is hard enough without trying to be perfect. I for one, am totally guilty of trying to be perfect. I am tired. I just want to be me. Whatever the heck that means. I want to let it go and let Jesus free me and heal me from all the junk. So much junk- so many lies we buy into. My heart just hurts from it all.
No comments:
Post a Comment