Monday, October 27, 2008

Warfare

That's what it feels like. I am in a whirlwind of spiritual warfare. Many people may not know what I am talking about, or what I am feeling, or may attribute it to stress or hormones, or whatever. They can poo-poo it all they like. But I know what it is. I know that the devil has always had a keen dislike for me. I know that he knows all the buttons he can push with me, all the things that hurt me the most- and dang skippy- he's shootin' with both barrels at the moment.

Work is stressful (when isn't it?) - there is just too much to do and not quite enough manpower to do it.

I am heading up a major outreach at church this week that is FINALLY starting to "click" into place. (Thank you God!) And I am sure that the devil isn't doing the happy dance about that.

He is attacking those nearest and dearest to my heart- friends, family...people I truly love. He is trying to isolate and divide, and at the moment, the lies are working. Frustration mounts. Disappointment and disillusionment and unforgiveness reign. I can feel that isolation and division trying to creep into my own heart- and while I resist, I don't really know what to do about it. I have faith that there is victory- but I do not know what that journey to victory looks like at the moment, and I am ever so weary.

And through it all, through the confusion, through the pain, through the frustration. I press in and I pray. And I KNOW that the devil DEFINITELY is NOT doing the happy dance about that.
Friends tell me to "Trust God." And on a deep level, I do, I really do. But I could really use a boost of encouragement to the deep, deep places that only God knows about- a breakthrough in the bone-deep sorrows I carry that only He knows about. But instead, I see the arrows of the enemy flying around me- hitting their marks- and no matter how much I pray....
But having done all, I will stand, and I will hope, because the alternative is unacceptable.

2 comments:

Stacey said...

Hi Sarah, I just love your realness. The Christian walk is not intended to be all mountaintops. I sometimes wish it were, but without those c-r-a-p-p-y valley's, I wouldn't treasure those moments on the top of that mountain. My prayer for you this very moment, is that in the midst of the chaos and insanity, that the Father in Heaven would whisper to you gently, wrap His arms around you and touch you in that inner place that needs touching. Bless You.

becca said...

Sarah, I will pray for you and your family. Thank you for being real. May God bless you with your heart's desire- God grant you peace and joy in the midst of the stress.
Much love,
Rebecca