Well, long tedious story short. I survived the parental visit and had some fun to boot. It was hardly what I would call restful, but life goes on. I am still pretty fried and burned out, and am trying to figure out how to "rest and restore" so that I can continue on the insane track of my life that runs through Christmas. So life goes on. And that's that.
Today, at church, Jeff was talking about thinking cross-generationally (something I believe in VERY much) and was describing all the different generations- boomers, X-er's, millenials...etc. etc. and I am a bang-on-the-money X-er all the way. Yep. Yessiree...wow, it was a smidge scary.
Apparently, we're a tad cynical, we have an ability to see through "falseness"- particularly pertaining to the church, we lack optimism, and we are extremely relational, we are big into AUTHENTICITY. I would say, for me- that's pretty much truth.
As I sat there- listening to Jeff talk about how unless we start "walking the talk," the church will lose the generations to come, I realized that I think that is very true. I already don't particularly want to go to church... I am finding, lately, I really am tired of "playing church." But what does "real" church look like? I have no idea- but what it is- we're not seeing...
And I sat listening to the congregation (primarily boomers, I believe) sit there and say "Yes!" and "Amen!" I am afraid my X-er cynicism kicked in in a big way. I just don't think they really know what they are saying yes and amen to, and, if they find out- will they be willing and able to do it? I just don't know. I am sad to say that I don't have the confidence that they will. Boomers like their institutions and programs- which once worked, but don't anymore...can they really bridge the gap? As the older generation- these boomers need to impart what wisdom they can- if they don't change, if they don't try to REALLY reach these 20's and 30's folks, who are the next leaders of the church- the church will die. DIE. That sounds dramatic, God is so much bigger- but the church will probably morph into something they don't recognize- and will they be left behind? And what will the next generations miss out on? And what will they miss out on from the next generations if they can't change?
We live in a selfish society. When I taught daycare- the first words from the two-year olds were "MINE" and "NO." Do we teach children to be selfish? Not at all- they have that down already- we have to teach them to share, to not be selfish. Darn that sin nature. So how do we be like Jesus in our arrogant, entitled, self-centered, selfish american society? Truly being like Jesus gets messy. It means getting in people's messes- it means accepting them as is- and LOVING them that way. It means taking time out to be with people (X-er relationship-ism- right there, ladies and gents) and spend time with them- it doesn't mean shiny happy programs....says the girl planning the kick-ass Trunk-or-Treat for the church.... perhaps it doesn't mean shiny happy programs with agendas? I just don't know. It means sacrificing what we want for the other, as brothers and sisters in Christ, as husbands and wives, as complete strangers. It's EXHAUSTING. I know I struggle in a big way. BIG WAY. Sometimes, dealing with that kind of "high maintenance" in hurting people takes it completely out of me. I am drained. A puddle in the corner. Ouch. And when people ask me to pray, I have to say- "Sorry- I got nothing left." And part of that comes from the busy-ness that keeps me from pulling away and filling up and drawing close to God. How to balance it all? I have no idea, and right now, I am flunking in a big way.
But I do know that I am tired of "Going to church" instead of living like Jesus. I am tired of Christians treating each other without respect- treating each other like crap. I am just TIRED of it ALL. I love God- with my whole heart. But I really do struggle with the Bride. I know Jeff's heart is right- but while there are very, VERY good things going on at our church- it feels so.....churchy.... to me and I am afraid we are heading right back into the land of good mega-church-like government and great programs- and not really getting at the heart of what Jesus really wants from us. I wish I knew how to do it myself...I know I am gloriously inept.
In all honesty, I find providing a workplace that is a "refuge" for a stitcher who is going through a rough time seems to me to be much more fulfilling than going to church as of late. I feel so much more like that is what God is wanting me to do...and I'd like to do more. I love that Marty and I are out in the "art community"- we don't do traditional witnessing- but we make friends, we love people...isn't that really what it's about? Being Jesus to people, trusting God to draw them to Him through us...loving without agenda, being there to answer the questions when it's time...
I used to love going to church. But that was when I bought into all the "shiny happy christianity" crap- I lived at the church 24/7. I met all expectations- I "served" 20-30 hours a week. I led, I prayed, I read, I mentored, I cooked meals, I taught kid's church, I cleaned yards- all good things- no doubt- BUT- I had no "unsaved" friends... I wasn't Jesus to anyone who didn't already know Him...what's the point? I confess, I seem to be back in my wilderness time. I feel like I am still being called away to God- to soak and learn, sadly- I've been "too busy" to answer.
Father, help me to find the time to find you again. I am your little, cynical, frustrated X-er daughter and I need some HELP.
6 comments:
Hi Sarah, this is Chris' wife, Stacey. I can relate. I've missed several weeks of church lately, just having too many personal/family issues to put on "the face." Will keep you guys in my prayers. Be Blessed.
Hey girl, Joano here. I had this wonderfully crafted response all written out and the goblins and trixies of the internet conspired to lose it for me (or, likely, it was my own incompetence!!).
Anyway, I loved what you wrote. I was convicted by it, and I believe that God has been working this in my own heart as well (and me, a "boomer"?! Wow!).
Despite working three jobs in July, I still had the time to do more service and ministering to other people than I have in years. Gosh, it felt so FANTASTIC and REAL! I want more!!
So, keep writing, sister. People are listening! And, you may just find that you are not alone and these same needs and convictions are being placed in other's hearts as well.
I love you.
I'm sort of caught in the middle with this "boomers" / "X'rs" thing. I've got one of those borderline birth years and the mentality to match. I do agree that christianity has got to become more real/tangible/active (especially in my own life). That's gonna be a real step out of my comfort zone, but that's nothing new. I've been out there before. I still think we need to not "forsake the assembly", but who knows what form that assembly may take in the near future. All I know is God is shaking things up and I want to be a part of it. Here's looking for real faith! Love ya!
i completely feel your gen x frustration... but god is the god of gen x too.
and i think that's pretty great
This is Melody, not Allen. Greetings from Atlanta. I'm right there in the desert myself. Although, I feel some productiveness coming. I wanted to let you know we have been watching videos by Terry Rush, who is a preacher in Tulsa. He hated evangelism when he was in preaching school and felt horribly guilty. Eventually, God helped him realize that it's more about showing love to others and letting them know where that love comes from. He got an idea that if he attended a baseball camp where retired major leaguerers teach old guys that once dreamed of being major leagurers how to play baseball that God would work. Now he is the chaplain of the St. Louis Cardinals and attends that same camp every year and has led many to Christ through just getting involved. I wanted to let you know about this, because it speaks to your feeling so good about your influence in the arts community. You are doing exactly what he did and exactly the right thing - loving people. Which in the end isn't that all we are called to do? Isn't that how Jesus furthered the kingdom? The other reason I wanted to mention it was because we are watching it with Allen's parent's study group right now. We are the only non-boomers in the group and it's opening them up to a whole new world. They are very excited about it too and are realizing that they don't have to invite a friend to church in order to evangelize. So there's hope yet.
We love you guys and miss you. Hang in there and meet God wherever you can. (I should take my own advice.)
I relate to where you are- I'm 36, and am so frustrated with the church!
I wish I understood Jesus' love for the church, 'cuz it has hurt so many people. That's what I think of when I think of church: fake, control-tripping.
I know that's not what Jesus sees.
I want to see how He sees.
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