Weary

I am weary. Everything is ok. But dang skippy, I am DOG TIRED. Or should that be DAWG tired? I don't know. There is a lot going on in my world- and I feel overwhelmed and like I can't keep up. I've had 2 days "off" in the past 4-5 weeks and one of those was spent on the couch with a cold. Day and night I go, go, go, go.... I know I need to stop...I don't know how.

At work, we have a shortened build for the Christmas show- that combined with a lack of help...well, there you go. On weekends, I am in rehearsal....what weekend? What sabbath? And now- with my husband's art taking off (YOU GO, BABY! I am SOOOO PROUD!!!) there are openings and hangings and receptions- and I just can't keep up with it all...and that doesn't include- grocery shopping, paying bills, geriatric kitty care, house cleaning, preparing for trunk-or-treat...praying, praying, praying.....THERE IS SO MUCH TO PRAY FOR!!! And I just don't feel like I have the time or the energy.

There is drama at Taproot- it's just been a rough year. I am having "issues" that I need to pray through- try to figure out how to maintain my integrity, be Christ-like in my behavior (as much as I am capable of, at least) and not get walked all over.... They've hired 3 more people in the administrative offices... and after a year of hearing "We need to get production some help, we need to get production some help..." I confess- I am having some forgiveness and trust issues at the moment. I want to scream, to be honest. I mean- what is going to take? Letting a production go completely to crap? Seriously. I don't know that I can not do my best- I am not wired that way- so suffice it to say- THAT is creating some serious inner tension in my world and I'm not quite sure what to do with all of it at the moment.... and then.....

If you read Marty's blog- you know all about the letters, the whisperings, the gossip (from which we were thankfully excluded) about our church leadership. And today- Milt announced he was leaving. I could just feel all the emotion in the congregation and I couldn't help but cry (it sucks being an intercessor sometimes, well, not really) It's going to be hard...but I know on the other side- it'll be brilliant. I know it- because even though we were out of the loop- that's what God has been showing me about church for awhile- about last fall, I sensed that BIG BIG changes were coming- like the HANG ON TO YOUR BRITCHES kind of changes.... I felt that our good friend, Jeff Berryman- seriously needed to hold onto his britches- because of those changes...and now he's the interim preaching pastor. Well, color me shocked and surprised. In the practical- I had no idea how what God had shown me was happening in the spiritual would manifest- and it's all terribly interesting to watch- and still requires a great deal of prayer. I have been through hard times at church before. Some were handled well, some...not so much. I can't say it's something I enjoy. But I truly believe that God causes ALL things to work together for good- not some things, ALL things. He has been faithful. I hang on to that. And I do trust Him.

But I am tired. I am bone weary. I am emotionally worn out. I see no relief in sight.

That doesn't mean good things aren't happening. They are. That doesn't mean I am miserable. I'm not. I am just TIRED. And I am praying that God would refresh me and grant me the strength to keep going- because if He doesn't, I dunno.... I just don't know. I am forgetting stuff because there is so much going on in my head. I don't feel light burdens right now-which means I am probably doing something wrong, but I can't figure it out to fix it.... I would love a day off, but I can't figure out when to take it- there are meetings and fittings and matinees.... at home, there is grocery shopping, and cleaning, and vet appointments and I have to be out 3 nights this week...it just doesn't end. I know, whine, whine, whine...but you keep that up too long- you get burned out. My question is this...
What happens when you burn out and you have to keep going?