True Confessions

I am blogging. I've been fussed at for being remiss in this practice (thank you, Cassie- I fuss at you- you fuss at me- what are friends for?) so here's one that is sadly, less than warm and fuzzy.

It's been a busy couple of months for me, particularly at work. I confess this makes me a bit nervous as this is the "slow" time of year. But for now, all 5 current touring shows are up and running, one mainstage has run it's course and while we will head into tech for the next mainstage this week- There is still much to do (it's amazing how complicated 2 costumes can get) but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and things will have a more normal pace, at least through this month.

It's also been a hard couple of months for me- I am battling depression more than I ever have in my life- and I really haven't been talking about it. It started about the first of the year and hasn't really let up. The people in my life that I care about seem burdened by their own struggles and busy-ness- so I don't want to add more. I don't know if that's right- but I have always been that way- so I muddle through on my own and trust because God has always been faithful to pull me through depression. I feel weary and overwhelmed a lot of the time now. So, I just don't think about it and keep on keepin' on. I think part of the issue is my being determined to be obedient about somethings I felt like God told me to do a long time ago- and I have finally stepped up to the plate. I've started praying in earnest again- don't know if I am making much headway- but it's nice to hang out in the presence of God again. I "adopted" a couple of orphans in Africa- $25 a month seems so little to ask to keep a child alive. And I am really trying to be healthy. We are plugging into church more and pursuing this with intention- hanging out with fellow artists and making new friends. This may not seem like much- but I know it is because the pressure cooker has clicked ON. I don't think the devil likes what is going on- and so things are hard right now. I can feel the warfare swirling about me. And I know it's warfare, I know the devil will lose (even when it feels like he's winning) and that gives me the hope and faith to keep on keepin' on. I've been through this before, and I'm sure it'll happen again. And on the other side of this time when depression, loss of joy and being overwhelmed by even the simple tasks of life has passed- God will show me how I've grown and what miracles He has worked during this time- and for that, I am thankful. But, boy oh boy, I will sure be glad to be on the other side.