Holding pattern...

Dang skippy, we are TIRED. The play is coming along- and soon...will be over. Then, the tough decision time, I guess. Max continues much the same. Lots of medicine and liquids (now he's on baby food "soup"- 1/2 cup a day- bet he feels like his teeth are floating- poor guy) and still the hardest little poops in the world. Who knows. He still isn't his "old self." But he does purr and like attention a little, mostly, he just sleeps. Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts- I know I can feel it- please continue- we need all the help we can get right now.

Max

As many of you may or may not know.... Our kitties are 14 and 15 years old this year- and they are very geriatric. Mickey has IBD and is actually doing very well with his treatments- but Max- not so much. Max has been chronically constipated for the past several months and this morning, we took him to the vet for his umpteenth enema. But he has gotten very old, very quickly in the past 6-8 months- he's become frail and thin and not himself. He's become a loner, he doesn't play, or let Marty carry him like a baby or sit in my lap anymore.

Tonight, Max is home. We had a long chat with the vet this evening. We think is probably time to let him go. He is not rallying and is losing weight rapidly, which means there's an underlying issue. He usually does pretty well for a spell after an enema. The vet has informed us the next step to maintain and keep him going would probably require IV's of special fluids every other day- and we don't think anyone in our family would handle that well. Our life is crazy right now- work is busy and we have rehearsal on nights and weekends for the church play. The kitten has always had an amazing gift for bad timing. SO- we have decided, to actually wait until after the church play to make any for sure plans- just because it's just too much to deal with right now. We would also like for him to be at home when it's time to go. This, of course, is providing he doesn't take a turn for the worse. Tonight, he is happy to be home, has eaten some favorite food and is in a favorite chair resting. We appreciate any and all prayers. He has always been my "Baby"- he's always had a very kitten-like personality- right up until the past 6 months- for those of you who don't know- he's 14 years old and I got him when he was 4 months old. Most of my friends and family don't think he exists because he's so shy, he always hides- so when I came home one day- to find him sprawled and purring on Marty's lap when we were dating- I knew Marty was "the one." Also, for you intercessors, Max LOVES prayer. When I would pray in my kitchen when I was single, he would beg for me to pick him up and I would have to carry him around with me while I prayed. When Amy Ledford would come and pray, we would always know God was present because Max would lay on the ground (this from the invisible cat!) and purr. He still purrs when I pray for him, but not like he used to. I don't want my baby to suffer- this is probably one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. We would appreciate continued prayers for wisdom, grace and mercy.
Thanks very much

It's been insane...

I did so enjoy a restful Thanksgiving weekend. I am so glad I did- because the poop has really hit the fan since. Highlights:

-The plumbers were supposed to reconfigure the plumbing for the new washer and dryer in the costume shop Monday morning at 9- several phone calls later, they showed up at 2 on Tuesday.

-The washer and dryer are scheduled to be delievered DURING the matinee today, which will be heard and I can't deal with the delivery guys because I am having to dress the show. Lowe's is giving me the runaround about rescheduling...outcome pending. ARRRGGG!!!

-Mickey slowed eating again, I'll pick up his appetite stimulants at some point today. Hopefully, they will work.
-I dropped Max off at the vet for yet another enema this morning...my boys are not known for good timing....and we are playing musical finances once again.

-I am trying to reorganize costume storage. It was a DISASTER. Seriously. So I did a major purge (About 15 lawn and garden bags worth to a school, homeless ministry and anyone else who would take anything) and I am trying to organize what is left in the midst of washer and dryer drama. I have only a week or two to get this done before As You Like It loads in....speaking of...

-I have to start designing As You Like It...and read the script.....by tomorrow.

-All this is going on in the midst of Winterland crunch time. We have rehearsal EVERY night. It's fun, and I think it's really starting to look like a play we'll be proud of, but it is A LOT of work. I am hot and sweaty by the end of rehearsal.

All this in the midst of holiday prep, which is actually on schedule- a few more gifts to buy, putting the cards together etc...then it's party! Party! Party!

I'll be so glad when January is here. But God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

We are rescheduling the washer and dryer to be delivered tomorrow. Thankfully, I had the wisdom to have the plumbers hook up the old washer and dryer.

Thanksgiving...

During this very hectic time of year- with tech, rehearsals, more tech, more rehearsals....more tech, more rehearsals- all on top of everyday living, getting ready for the holidays etc, etc.-it's very easy for me to forget to be thankful. So I am writing down what I am thankful for- just to remind myself.....so here are the things that I am deeply thankful for...

-God loves me, Jesus died for me, Holy Spirit guides me....even when I am a booger. Grace is a beautiful thing.
-My husband. I am constantly amazed at how deep my love for him runs...it even haunts my dreams- this deep, deep love. I am so proud of him- his integrity, his creativity, his hutzpah... AND I even LIKE him- how awesome is that?
-My family.
-My friends, near and far, new and old...even if I am not the best at keeping up with them, I carry them in my heart.
-"The Boys"- I am thankful for every purr, every day, every morsel of food eaten- even though the constant medication wears me out at times. I shall miss them when they are gone.
-A roof over my head, clothing to wear and food to eat. Sometimes, I take the basics for granted, which is a shame, since many people don't have the basics. We have the basics, and then some...actually- we have quite a bit more.
-A job that pays the bills and a place where I can express my creativity. This has been a hard one for me this year, for a number of reasons- but I am VERY thankful, nonetheless.
-Creativity- the ability and the means to be able to create and play.
-My church family- and my church- these are just great folks to have in your life. I am so thankful for all of them.
-Laughter. I don't know what we'd do with out it.
-Nature- proof of God's existence- big, small- there is beauty everywhere.

Thanksgiving. Don't leave home without it.

My baby boy, Mickey....

...kind of quit eating last week. Oh sure, he'll eat as many treats as we can manage to stuff in him and will nibble at his food- but he's not really eating. He's dropped a pound in about a week. This strikes great fear into my heart. At some point, his meds for his IBD will stop working. I am praying this is not that time...but I know it's coming. The thing is- the little stinker doesn't act sick! He's all perky and happy and clingy and lovey. At least with Max, we can tell when he's not feeling good. I will hear the results of Mickey's blood test tomorrow and hopefully, we'll see what is up. I just hate to think of losing them- it's hard to believe I have had these kitties for 14 years...15 in February. I've had them pretty much my whole adult life, they have lived in 7 apartments/houses and 4 states. They drove across the country with me. They have outlasted countless boyfriends, 2 fiancees and ADORE the daddy they finally ended up with. I knew Marty was "the one" when I came home one day to find Max, the cat that most of my friends and family doesn't think exists because they have never seen him, sprawled and purring in Marty's lap. Mickey has enough personality for 9 kitties...seriously. He talks ALL THE FREAKING TIME...he carries his "baby," a grey hamburger shaped thing that I think is a mouse, around in his mouth while he is talking. He talks with his mouth full. It's hilarious. He sits on Marty's arm while he's at the computer. He'll sit with me and look adoringly and longingly at me...he's totally in love with his mommy. He has to sit at the dinner table with us, or else he will end up ON the table. He's very tough- he actually had to go to the vet a couple of weeks ago to get his matted hair shaved and was growling at the vet under sedation! That's my boy! And he was my constant companion as I spent many a happy hour this summer reading on the balcony. He likes being outside as much as I do.
I know that I will miss him like crazy. I am thankful to wake up each day to find I have one more day with my beloved feline companions. I actually pray that they will just one day go to sleep and not wake up- that they would go in peace. I just hope that these, their last days, are good ones and that they know how much they are loved. I just hope I have the strength to make potentially difficult decisions... they have been through so much this year, I don't know how much more they can handle. I don't know how much more we can handle. But they have been the biggest blessing to me while I have had them. They have kept the "lonelies" at bay.

Being Better

So I just read these two books this evening- For Women Only and For Men Only by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn...they were very illuminating. I am a bit skeptical of "relationship" books- because everyone thinks they are the world's leading authority. Like the guy who just got married telling me why he kissed dating goodbye... whatever.... But I found these books very helpful. I didn't have any earth shattering revelations, but there were good reminders and some very practical "how to do this" kind of things. For instance, if you are clued in to any sort of Christian marriage counseling blah-bitty-blah...we all know men need to feel respected over feeling loved- heck, the BIBLE says that....but what does that MEAN???? ARRRRGGGG!!! HOW DO I DO THAT???? Believe me, after almost 2 years of marriage- I personally feel like I have no idea how to be a good wife. My friends tell me that this is normal- my frustrations and inability to communicate. That's comforting... I think.

My mother (whom I adore and admire for many reasons) like her mother before her and so on and so on...nagged to get things done. I don't want to do that- I don't want to be that way- I don't think it's particularly effective and it makes everyone miserable along the way. SO what do I do? I hide. And I do that at work too- I stuff it all down and then eventually it explodes and my poor husband is like "WHAT THE HECK?" But I think he would find the tips in For Men Only very helpful in dealing with me in those situations. (BIG HINT HERE) It was quite astonishing to find that I am not as unique as I think I am. : ) And comforting as well.

I think any man would benefit from reading For Men Only as it translates "woman-ese" quite well, in my opinion...it's bang on the money. And Jeff writes with great humor. I found the For Women Only beneficial as well, and I hope Marty does too. I went to a wedding this summer where the pastor talked about how marriage is all about two people who think they are totally alike trying to live together after they find out they are not- and there was so much truth for that. But I rejoice in the differences (most of the time) but I am NOT, by any stretch of the imagination, the world's leading authority on marriage...I wish I were, for my husband. Because he TOTALLY deserves the wife of his dreams and I want to be that. I want him to be proud and want to show me off and think I am the best thing since sliced bread...BECAUSE I love him so much and am soooo very, very proud of him and his talent and his art...and I appreciate how he helps around the house and I just think he's really cute, uh, I mean he's a big 'ol GRIZZLY OF LOVE. I meant my vows when I said them (although, it's all a bit of a blur now) so I really want my marriage to be AMAZING and AWESOME- but that takes work...I think it's totally worth it. I think Marty is totally worth doing whatever I can to be a great wife. I just hope I succeed more than I fail.

Doing Better

Thanks to all those praying types out there. I am feeling better and a little less overwhelmed. Thanks also to good friends who kick you in the tush and remind you what is what (Susan, Cassie) I am doing a little better. Tomorrow will be a "Shopping Day" so not as hard at work and I am taking Friday off...well...for the most part. I have to take the cat to the vet and go discuss Christmas musical costumes at night. I am really seeking God to order my days. I don't know that it's really working yet- but I ask Him every morning.

I am looking forward to going home for Christmas. But it won't really be home. Mom and Dad have the new condo- which I am sure will be fun and all...but I really would have loved to have taken Marty home. We'll spend time with my family and we'll take a trip up to Galena and visit the old haunts. I am hoping for a white Christmas- but not during travel time. I am looking forward to seeing my family- I haven't seen most of them in about 5 or 6 years. Many of my cousins have children I have never clapped eyes on. Several children. Wow. I can't wait to see Susan and raise a little "heck," of course, we're old and it won't be like the old days- lifecheck anyone? No smuggling 3 course dinners into the movies or anything...and that's just what is repeatable. : ) But true friends feel like they've never been apart, I notice. I am a little concerned about leaving the kitties in their old and fragile states...but I will have to trust God on that one. I'm not sure what to do about Christmas shopping this year- we've sorted out with Marty's family that we'll use what money we would spend on Christmas to have fun when we're on vacation in April....and that's totally cool with me. My parents...well, their love language is gifts- but we're trying to get them to reign it in since we have to bring stuff back. And I'm trying to decide if I should just do shopping there... I already know what I'm getting Marty. Hee, hee, hee.

Ahhh...October through December...the holidays. We've already had a couple offers for Thanksgiving- don't know what we're doing yet. We've also had an offer for a "Get-drunk-and-decorate-the-tree" party after Thanksgiving that I think sounds quite fun.... I guess they don't hang the breakable ornaments that day. I really like this time of year- it's like there is always some tangible thing to look forward to. First, we have Trunk-or-Treat at church- and I enjoy that. Then there's Thanksgiving- and I have to say, sitting around a table and eating and talking with people you like and love is just about one of my favorite things in the whole wide world. And Christmas- more of the same...a big birthday bash for Jesus! AND you get to decorate your house!!! Dress it up!!! I LOVE that!! My poor husband.... I don't think he understands how much fun I have dressing up the house. I dress up people for a living- I think houses are as much fun. But I love this time of year. The leaves are gorgeous- in spite of all the rain- God's beauty is all around. It just feels like it's time to light the fire, gather up some loved ones, have some hot chocolate and oatmeal cookies, cuddle up and hunker down...all in a well decorated house.

Weary

I am weary. Everything is ok. But dang skippy, I am DOG TIRED. Or should that be DAWG tired? I don't know. There is a lot going on in my world- and I feel overwhelmed and like I can't keep up. I've had 2 days "off" in the past 4-5 weeks and one of those was spent on the couch with a cold. Day and night I go, go, go, go.... I know I need to stop...I don't know how.

At work, we have a shortened build for the Christmas show- that combined with a lack of help...well, there you go. On weekends, I am in rehearsal....what weekend? What sabbath? And now- with my husband's art taking off (YOU GO, BABY! I am SOOOO PROUD!!!) there are openings and hangings and receptions- and I just can't keep up with it all...and that doesn't include- grocery shopping, paying bills, geriatric kitty care, house cleaning, preparing for trunk-or-treat...praying, praying, praying.....THERE IS SO MUCH TO PRAY FOR!!! And I just don't feel like I have the time or the energy.

There is drama at Taproot- it's just been a rough year. I am having "issues" that I need to pray through- try to figure out how to maintain my integrity, be Christ-like in my behavior (as much as I am capable of, at least) and not get walked all over.... They've hired 3 more people in the administrative offices... and after a year of hearing "We need to get production some help, we need to get production some help..." I confess- I am having some forgiveness and trust issues at the moment. I want to scream, to be honest. I mean- what is going to take? Letting a production go completely to crap? Seriously. I don't know that I can not do my best- I am not wired that way- so suffice it to say- THAT is creating some serious inner tension in my world and I'm not quite sure what to do with all of it at the moment.... and then.....

If you read Marty's blog- you know all about the letters, the whisperings, the gossip (from which we were thankfully excluded) about our church leadership. And today- Milt announced he was leaving. I could just feel all the emotion in the congregation and I couldn't help but cry (it sucks being an intercessor sometimes, well, not really) It's going to be hard...but I know on the other side- it'll be brilliant. I know it- because even though we were out of the loop- that's what God has been showing me about church for awhile- about last fall, I sensed that BIG BIG changes were coming- like the HANG ON TO YOUR BRITCHES kind of changes.... I felt that our good friend, Jeff Berryman- seriously needed to hold onto his britches- because of those changes...and now he's the interim preaching pastor. Well, color me shocked and surprised. In the practical- I had no idea how what God had shown me was happening in the spiritual would manifest- and it's all terribly interesting to watch- and still requires a great deal of prayer. I have been through hard times at church before. Some were handled well, some...not so much. I can't say it's something I enjoy. But I truly believe that God causes ALL things to work together for good- not some things, ALL things. He has been faithful. I hang on to that. And I do trust Him.

But I am tired. I am bone weary. I am emotionally worn out. I see no relief in sight.

That doesn't mean good things aren't happening. They are. That doesn't mean I am miserable. I'm not. I am just TIRED. And I am praying that God would refresh me and grant me the strength to keep going- because if He doesn't, I dunno.... I just don't know. I am forgetting stuff because there is so much going on in my head. I don't feel light burdens right now-which means I am probably doing something wrong, but I can't figure it out to fix it.... I would love a day off, but I can't figure out when to take it- there are meetings and fittings and matinees.... at home, there is grocery shopping, and cleaning, and vet appointments and I have to be out 3 nights this week...it just doesn't end. I know, whine, whine, whine...but you keep that up too long- you get burned out. My question is this...
What happens when you burn out and you have to keep going?

The show, the zoo, the trip to Iowa...

I am coming up for air!!! The Importance of Being Earnest opened to a full, laughing and apparently happy house last night. I went for the reception- to eat yummy food and receive accolades..."Yes, I designed the costumes. Yes, thank you. Thank you. We're just so happy they are finished. Yes, the actors look beautiful. No, that isn't a real bird on Lady Bracknell's hat. But thank you, yes, thank you." Can't say I minded the "love" after a quite gruelling build- and I tried to make sure the stitchers and dresser felt it too. They all worked their tushies off. And aside from a few well hidden "fitting" issues, it's a show I am truly proud of. And the hats are FANTASTIC, if I do say so myself, and I do. I had such a good time designing and making them. The last time I made a fabulous hat for Taproot, it got cut because it was TOO pretty. Ack.

So now, I am just trying to catch up with life, pay bills, take the cats to the vet, the husband to the doctor, clean the house, grocery shop, learn my music for the Christmas musical... that sort of thing. I have a few things at work to catch up on as well. Earnest was very all-consuming. On Wednesday, I am teaching a costume workshop to the Seattle Yacht Club drama club...seriously. But it'll help pay for the tickets to Iowa we just bought. We'll be going for Christmas and Marty will get to participate in the annual Bingo game marathon. It's kind of a hoot. I honestly can't remember the last time I went "home." 5 years? Of course, my parents have a spiffy new "retirement condo" so it really isn't "home." But I am hoping we'll make it up to Galena for a visit. And I KNOW we are going to see Susan and Darin- come hell or highwater. I need to see my friend!! There are others I hope I'll get to see as well- but it's the holidays- so it's always a nuthouse, isn't it? Now we'll need to figure out care for the boys. It's so complicated now- but we'll work it out.

Today I went to the zoo. Tomorrow our pass expires and Marty had to work today- so I went by myself. I had fun, took lots of bad pictures- my husband is definitely a better photographer. The jaguar was pacing very close to the glass- it's quite something to have your face a mere 10 inches from that of an agitated male jaguar- I think he was agitated because he couldn't get to all the toddlers otherwise known as "snacks" watching him. He was quite a handsome fellow. It was nice because it was cool so all the animals were active...except the sloth bear... which is unusual as they're usually quite busy and fun to watch. One sloth bear was sleeping with his tongue hanging out- pretty funny. One of the male gorillas seriously was posing for pictures- it was quite hilarious. I also saw the new tiger "cub"- yeah, right- 150 lb. "cub." He was playing with a ball- he's still just a really big kitten. All in all it was enjoyable- but it was amazing all the weird looks I got for being there alone- no husband, no kids. Whatever.

So that's all the exciting news. You'll have to check out Marty's blog for all the news on art shows and the dog modeling contest we emceed. I screwed up saying "Seamus"- I was VERY tired. I think "Booboo La Roo" was my favorite name though..... I am currently losing the battle with a cold that's been going around- can't say I'm surprised- living on Diet Coke and chocolate while working 15 hour days can't be good for your immune system. Well, that's all for now.
TTFN.

Confession time!

Confession time. Yikes.

I feel like I've had such a negative attitude about everything lately. Lately being the last few months. I can hardly stand to be around myself. It's like everytime I say something, it's something that tears someone or something down- and while at times it may be legitimate (you know what I mean) I just can't stand it anymore. It's like I just can't help myself. Negative. Negative. Negative. Gripe. Moan. Complain. Whine. Whine. Whine. I AM AT MY WITS END. I'd appreciate some prayer for this- I know I'M praying. But it's like, "Father forgive me, help me not to be negative and say negative things" and then BOOM! The next thing out of my mouth....

I don't know what the cause is- probably stress- vet bills, tight finances, work issues, lack of affirmation, been a tough year, etc. etc..... but I feel like I complain all the stinkin' time and I am SICK OF IT!!! Gosh. Holy Schmackers- enough is enough! Ah. There it is, out in the open. Muhahaha- take that devil! Now you're DOOMED. Stupid sin. Wish I wasn't so good at it. Father, forgive me. Friends, forgive me.

No, I haven't dropped off the planet....

....but I have been up to my eyeballs at work. We are currently building "The Importance of Being Earnest" and it's crazy. We are building all six women's outfits- all turn of the century. So far, 3 are finished and bits are started on others. They are quite beautiful, if I do say so myself...and I do. I have a great team of stitchers and interns working their tails off- and it definitely shows. I have built 2 hats that are quite extraordinary as well. I have been praying over this production since January- and I think it is paying off. Oscar Wilde would be proud. He was all about pretty people, pretty things and beauty. Well, thus far, there are a lot of pretty things on pretty people and it's all quite beautiful. I probably won't come up for air until October, so don't be alarmed....

In other news- both cats seem to be doing well, this week it will have been a whole month since we have taken Max to the vet. HUZZAH! And Mickey continues to be fat and sassy. Now, we just need to get all the knots out of their fur. Grrr. We will FINALLY close Joseph this week- it feels like the show that has run FOREVER. I survived Christmas musical auditions- I even sang...oddly enough, I didn't get a major singing role...hmmmmm.... BUT my husband did- he will be the VILLAIN....muhahaha....SWEET. If you are in this time zone, y'all need to come and check it out. That's about all the news for now...I will reboot in October...be well!

While the noodles are cooking...

I am making lasagna today for company tomorrow. It's not hard, but it's a bit spendy and time consuming- so it's definitely a treat. People loooooovvveee my lasagna. I don't know what I do different- but there you go.

I've had most of this week off and it's been lovely. I've spent much of my time off sitting on the balcony reading Harry Potter with Mickey in my lap. It's been awesome. As I've never read the books, I figured it's time I found out what all the hullabaloo is about. So I started book one on Sunday night. I'll start book four today. Marty gets frustrated that I can read so fast- but I love reading- and as a kid, that's pretty much what I did. Devoured books. I'm enjoying Harry so far. My goal is to read right through to the end.

This week I also did some shopping and have been working on a couple of designs for a television pilot. I have no idea what the pilot is- a friend asked me to do it. So I've spent some time hunting patterns and swatches and I'll scan and email the sketches today. I'm not building these costumes- so it takes a little more work and research so they can be handed off for someone else to build. But the money is good and we need it for plane tickets for Christmas.
We also emceed the Greenwood Seafair parade (see Marty's blog for details) again- and once again, the pirates were a bit boring. Sigh. And I was ready for them, had the super-soaker loaded and ready to go. Oh well. We also went to a reading of the Christmas Musical for church- it was quite delightful. Makes me wish I could sing. I loved the character I read. We'll see how auditions go. I'm thinking of singing "The wheels on the bus" since it is one of the few songs I am used to singing in public (well, that is, if you count my former kindergartners as "public") I don't know that I have the "stuff" to be able to pull it off. But what's a little public humiliation amongst loved ones? I also mailed my mom's birthday stuff off. Hard to believe she'll be 68- I don't feel old until I realize how old my folks are...and I certainly don't think of them as old. They cruise in their 40's in my brain.

So all in all, a much needed relaxing week. The noodles are cooked, I am off to layer some lasagna.

And the beat goes on...

Joseph is up and running!!! Huzzah. Every year, there is one booger of a show- and this was it! But it's up, it's running- and for the most part, I am through with it. Well...other than trying to rescue the Pharoah's cape which was accidentally placed on the fog machine...and got covered in greasy fog juice. Ew. It was very upsetting, the pharoah's cape was my baby and it took me many, many hours to hand paint it and there's no time or money to replace it. But thanks to some soaking in dish soap, the fog juice came out! Yay! Handy tip for any kind of food or grease stain- spot clean it with dish soap- that's what it's made for!!
So now...we're already into Earnest. The photo shoot is on Monday night, and then I am taking the rest of next week off to rest before the build really ramps up.

In other news, Max has been back to the vet...again. Nothing seems to be wrong- but he did get his bottom shaved and looks a bit like a baboon. Sigh. Welcome to Gordon's Nursing Home for Geriatric Kitties. Currently in residence are "Poodle Paw" who is doing well on his chemo, and "Monkey Butt" who has to be coaxed to eat, but seems to be doing better. The joys of old age and empty pockets.

I haven't waxed spiritual as of late....probably because I feel like I've just been trying to survive and get things done at work and at home. I have prayed and done a little reading- but there have been no great revelations as of late. I think I could do with one, are You listening, God? I've been enjoying Philip Yancey's Soul Survivor and reading about the people who inspired his faith. I really enjoyed reading about Martin Luther King Jr. It blows my mind to think that not so long ago, in our own country- racism was socially acceptable. It really grieves my heart. I know it still exists today-although it may have morphed a bit, but it's just horrible to think that people actually believe that other people, who are God's creation, have less value than they do. It's really a foreign concept to me. I am thankful for that. Although, I confess- there are deep cultural predjudices in me that I constantly have to fight and to be aware of to fight- and that makes me sad as well. Martin Luther King Jr. was an amazing guy. I am hoping to read more of his own work. The chapter on G.K. Chesterton was very fun as well- he sounds like he was a hoot. I am hoping to read some of his work as well. So much reading, so little time. Perhaps that is what I'll do on my week off.

Right now I am reading The Golden Compass, because a) the trailer for the movie looks really cool and b) I am intrigued by what is going on with the book. My friend, Jeff, read it and made some interesting observations about how much the author really hates the church and is blatant about it. He said that people were all atwitter about Harry Potter when really, THIS is the set of books to watch out for. So I am intrigued- so far, I'm about 1/3 of the way through it- and haven't seen too much blatant hatred of the church- but it's a good story and very well told. We'll see how it goes. As for Harry Potter...well. I read fiction books about witchcraft when I was a child, I was interested enough to look a little deeper (gasp!) and discovered that witchcraft is spendy, stupid and a lot more work than just waving a wand around! So why bother? And then I tried New Age, a lot of which seemed just plain silly. I worked for a woman who thought she was a reincarnated mayan priest. Have you noticed that everyone who is reincarnated is someone important? There's no "In a past life, I was Joe the poop shoveler." Crazy. But, there's a lot of good counterfeit spirituality in New Age- the people who believe that are some of the most loving people I know. They are some of the most spiritual people I know- they all want to tap into something we all want and crave- something spiritual and supernatural. I think we're wired to desire that. I think that's what I wanted as a kid, I KNOW that's what I wanted as a kid. I wanted to see God. I wanted to talk with Him- for real. I wanted to know His power and supernaturalness. Thankfully, I believe that God wants to show us His supernatural. I really wish more of it would appear in my world now. I miss it. I know He is SUPERNATURAL- and that's one of the things I really love about God- I mean all Satan's crap is just that, counterfeit crap- so why bother when you can have the real deal?

Ok. So I guess that's waxing spiritual.

As for Harry Potter: haven't read the books, enjoyed the movies, wouldn't let small kids near him with a 10 foot pole (too scary and dark) and would let tweens and teens with a discussion. My two cents. Ta da.
Well, it's time for bed and I am looking forward to diving back into The Golden Compass. Good night.

Wow. It's been quite a week- we can see the light at the end of the tunnel for the dress rehearsals of Joseph...and it's been a looonnnnnggg tunnel. But the costumes are lovely and all will be well in the world. I am ready to be done and ready for a break that won't come for another week or so...I am pooped. And my brain is pooped.

Speaking of poop- it's been a week. My cousin, Stephanie- who is my age, lost her left hand the night before last in a freak accident at her job at Chrysler. She is left-handed. I can't even imagine. My mom talked with her yesterday- and she is on some BIG juju drugs- she kept giggling and telling mom it would be ok. And it will be, but it will be hard. They reattached her hand but there is no telling when we'll know if she will regain use of it. She and her husband have 5 kids between them- the eldest is about 20- how crazy is that? She had him when we were 17. Wow. So for all y'all praying types- prayer for them would be appreciated.

Other poop- Max couldn't poop. Bless his heart- so there's an unexpected $100 trip to the vet for an enema and a shot to re-hydrate him. He's got some GREAT timing. Poor guy. This is the 3rd time he's been severly constipated, he just shuts down. But he's had some water and eaten today- so he seems to be doing ok. Tomorrow Mickey goes in for a blood test and Thursday will start round 3 of chemo. This is why I have no disposable income.

And just for grins, our closet collapsed this morning. I was outside watering the plants so they wouldn't wilt in the heat of the hot day and couldn't hear Marty yelling for help. It's just been one of those weeks. I am sure my blood pressure is up. Hopefully, things will wind down in a day or two and life will resume being normal. There is always one booger of a show every year- and Joseph seems to be it. But it opens on Friday and there you go. Hallelujah! Well, it's invited dress tonight- I'd better go double check that everyone looks purty.

La, la, la....

Well, this is just a friendly update. Things for Joseph are still a bit bonkers and I'll have to work every night this coming week (except for the 4th) and all nights next week as well. The joy of tech. Then I have a week (wow, really? A WHOLE week? Jump back Loretta) to put together the photo shoot for Earnest, and of course, we don't have anything in stock that I really like. So I'll be a busy little bee for awhile. After the photo shoot, I am hoping to take most of that week off to recover and rest before the build for Earnest begins and the Road Company starts. Golly- time sure flies in the summer. Things are going pretty well in the costume shop- we have some great interns and some great folks working there. All the "issues" we have had come from outside sources that we have no control over (Tuxedo shop, FedEx) and life goes on.

On the home front- not too much going on. Marty's art continues to gain momentum- and I pray that continues. I also pray that he can sell a couple of pieces to offset the cost of framing the stuff he needs to frame for upcoming shows. The initial investment for this stuff is spendy. I've put "redecorating" on hold because of new tires, vet bills and plane tickets to Iowa for Christmas. Sometimes it really sucks being a grown-up.

Today we have a big trip planned to go to Walmart!!! Oooh. The thrill, the glamour. The nicest Walmart we've found in the greater Seattle metroplex is about 40 minutes north in Everett. It's worth the trip- we don't shop there much- but there are some medicinal type things that Marty uses that are really cheap up there- so there you go. We'll also go to Michael's (I'm making christmas ornaments again this year and need supplies) and Barnes and Noble. We'll also hopefully have dinner with our friends, Joan and Marshall. A fun trip I think. In spite of Walmart.

This morning I spent some time in worship and prayer. It was really nice- I need to make it more of a priority. I just like hanging out with God. I did some praying for an upcoming arts-oriented service at our church. Our church is very "rational" in their approach to God- and we're (I'm?) hoping for some irrational breakthrough. I am hoping that service will help people experience the presence of God in a tangible way that they can trust and that they know is real- and they know that God is a God of emotion as well. I know emotions can be unstable and untrustworthy- but God created them -they were His idea and life would sure be dull without them. We had our arts meeting last night to discuss all this stuff. It's terribly deep. But I think we sounded like a bunch of rational people trying to sort out something that is not rational. Beauty is not rational. The blue of the sky, the beauty of leaves blowing in the breeze, the way a certain chord in music causes tears to well up in your eyes, the way a movie takes you out of yourself... these are things that we have trouble describing- how can we approach it rationally? In the words of Nike- I think we just need to JUST DO IT. Now what that means- well, who knows? God does. So I prayed He'd help us all and help Jeff, who is preaching, and that He would help the congregation- who are about to be stretched. It's amazing to me that God can prepare people beforehand to receive something in the future. To know that He is now softening hearts to receive and be touched and changed by something in the future that we are going to participate in- even when we don't know what that is- is an amazing thing. Well, my husband is home. I guess it's time for the fun to begin! Whoo hoo.

How I am.

Someone asked me, "How are you?" today and I didn't know how to answer them. I guess I am ok. I have A LOT going on. Joseph is proving to be a challenging show on many levels, and yet, things seem to be going well... I guess. There have been some serious dramas with the tuxedos we're supposed to get for the band, we don't know who is playing who, do they need to change, do they have time to change and where will they change. I am not the designer- and I feel like I am a giant go-between for all these crazy working parts- which is what I am. I feel like I am having to be more "managerial" in my job- and I am still adjusting to that and am not sure how I feel about it. I miss making things and sometimes it really is faster and easier to do something yourself than it is to have to set it up for someone else to do. And I am having trouble finding time to start designing Earnest and be an artist- I am going to take a day tomorrow and just do it.

There is also a lot of internal goofiness happening at work. I see God's hand in all of it, but I can see how some people would not. There's a lot of internal strife, healing and people "stuff" going on. We are smack in the middle of the refiner's fire, and it's not pretty. It's ok. It really is. But it is not fun to go through. I find it astonishing how God is growing individuals and pushing them to places they aren't comfortable and he's working in so many people at the same time and it's all working towards His unified purpose for the company. It's really amazing. And I feel really blessed that I can see that- or I think I would be really discouraged. And I wonder- what is He working in me? I can't see or feel it- but I hope something is happening.

I am trying to learn not to be so busy. I don't really know how. But yet, I don't feel busy. But I do feel busy. I guess I feel busy, but I don't feel like I am seeing any fruit from all the busy- I guess that's how I feel. So- how am I? I am lost. I am busy. I am ok. I am watching God do His thing. I don't really know how I am.

Waiting for strike...

Yep. Seven Keys to Baldpate is mere minutes away from finally being over. The next couple hours will be filled with sorting laundry, restocking, spraying Lysol in shoes, doing laundry and cleaning dressing rooms. Ahhh....the glamour.

It's been a long day- we had fittings for Joseph earlier and later in the day, so I'll have been here since lunchtime. My work schedule will be quite wacky for awhile. Life goes on.

In other news, I desperately want to redecorate the house. Sadly, my finances do not support my vision. I am creative so I'll be able to change a few things- I finished curtains for the the living room this evening. More thrill, more glamour.

Mickey update- as of last week, he weighed almost 10 POUNDS!!! HUZZAH!!! He's responding to his medication and gaining weight. We've been letting he and Max out on the balcony when we're out there or I'm in the kitchen and can watch them. Max thinks it's fine, but Mickey looovvves it out there. He REALLY loves it if his mama comes and hangs out there with him- he's in hog heaven. Since I don't really know how long we'll have him (The vet figures about 2 years before he builds a resistance to drugs) I don't mind a bit. He turned 15 last week. Amazing. Well, the curtain call is over, the actors are running down the stairs...time to get to work.

Got the Blah's today....

Yep. A bad case of the blahs. We had another matinee today- and then it was a scramble to get the drycleaning in. The good news is we're doing lots of student matinees- the bad news is having so many matinees makes it hard to get the drycleaning done. Tonight is 1st rehearsal for Joseph and I'll finally see the costume sketches to see what lays before us. It's a big show, no way around that- but I don't think it'll be too bad- we have a good designer who knows what she's doing. The grind continues....
As I was driving back from the drycleaner, I just felt...blah. All the stress and busy-ness and too much going on that we dealt with before the trip seems to be falling back into place- and I really don't want it to. Suddenly- there are 3 things going on Sunday and Marty's working a billion hours and I will probably be working a billion hours and it all seems so endless. And I feel a bit like a hamster in a wheel and I have to wonder- why are we doing this? Is this what we're supposed to be doing? Is this what God is calling us to? We have a good life. We have enough money to pay our bills and buy food and have savings and a bit of frivolity as well. We have a lovely apartment and a stable place to work that is in my field (at least). Marty's art is taking off. We're slowly making friends- but it's hard. We live in one of the most gorgeous places on earth. All in all, we're blessed. But sometimes....I just want to move to the boonies and do nothing.

Back in the Saddle...

Alaska was amazing. The cruise was relaxing- sad to say- I didn't miss my life in Seattle at all. Although, by lunchtime on Friday- I was really tired of eating. The food was good, not awesome- but good. I think that's ok- if it was awesome and spectacular- I would probably have gained 10 pounds. As it was, I gained 2-3- which I have lost this week thanks to a nasty stomach bug.
Marty is doing a great job of blogging our adventures- so feel free to check his site out. I loved the scenery and wildlife in Alaska. It was so epic and gorgeous and beautiful. The food and the activities and entertainment on the cruise were not as fabu as we expected, but I have to say, the service was very good. Our cabin steward, our waiters, everyone you ran into was very, very nice and I thought great service is one thing Princess really has going for it. I had a really good time.

We enjoyed a few more days off when we got home. We went to movies and chilled out and caught up with life. A little vacation from the vacation.

We hit the ground running on Tuesday with a student matinee. Not much going on this week except playing catch-up with emails and laundry. My stomach bug hit me mid-day on Wednesday and I am still recovering. I was suddenly clammy and nauseous and when Marty cooked bacon at home, it was all over. No, not pregnant- just a bug. This is a good week to be sick though since...

We'll start the Joseph build on Monday. I have a few other projects I am trying to get done this week: invitations to a baby shower I am throwing for a couple of girls at work (done) finishing getting "the garden" planted (done) painting a table for outside, cleaning the house, updating my theatrical portfolio for a talk I am giving on Tuesday to the "Innis Arden Friends of the Arts," paying bills, cleaning, shopping, taking care of ill kitties (Mickey is on day 3 of his 1st round of chemo, so far, so good) and so on, and so on. So suffice it to say- we're busy once again. Although, I've been laying around for a couple of days recovering from this bug. I HATE stomach bugs. Nasty. Uncomfortable. Yuck. That's all for now- check out Marty's blog for photos and details.

Susan and Darin

Susan is one of my dearest friends from high school- she's the one I stay in the most contact with. She is also the one who probably has more blackmail material on me and vice versa than just about anyone on the planet. We got up to some crazy stuff in our younger years- we smuggled full meals into movies, went carousing...hugged strange boys, survived countless and sometimes very WRONG boyfriends- all sorts of stuff. Once she accidentally hit the median on our way back from the movies and actually knocked the car back into alignment! We have laughed much in our day. I still have many letters she wrote me. She is one of my favorite people on the planet- and I miss her like crazy.

She lives with her husband, Darin, in a small town in Iowa. I'm a little embarassed because I haven't met Darin yet, and they've been married over 10 years. Yikes. They have two little boys and live a life that seems content and uncomplicated and sometimes I think, I wish that were my life- but God seems to have called me to other things. But it's not all "roses and parsnips" as my husband likes to say, Susan has MS- and her attitude is amazing- I really admire her (I know she read our blogs to keep up with us-so, Susan- this is SO TRUE) She is one of my heroes. I still remember when she was an EMT and she flopped on my chair in my bedroom and announced she simply HAD to deliver my children because she had helped with a birth that day and it was such an amazing experience. She became a paramedic, she was an AWESOME paramedic and I know that she really, really loved it. She had to give it up because of the MS. She's been through a lot of hard stuff with her family's health issues...and...life. We all know how that goes. One of her sons is autistic, one was premature- it's been a rollercoaster ride. And yet, she stays on a pretty even keel. She's very brave and very strong. Now, I don't see or talk to her on a daily basis- but she hasn't lost her sense of humor through all the stuff she's been through and she seems to just keep on truckin', no matter what.

This week I got an email from her- and the poop has really hit the fan. So for all of you praying folks out there, this is what's going on (I hope this is ok- Susan- but I feel like we need to get the troops praying) The following is from her email:

"OK--I've always wanted to be a heart breaker... but this is nuts!! First my dad with cardiac bypass, then my mom with the valve scare, and now Darin! I seem to be the only common denominator.
Darin has a bad aortic valve that needs to be replaced...soon. Like in the next few weeks. So--once again--please send positive thoughts and energy our way! We've always known Darin has a bad heart valve that would eventually need to be replaced, but no one (including the doctors) EVER thought it would happen this soon, and at the ripe old age of 37. Yes this is scary. Mostly because in the best case scenario-he'll be dead in five years IF he doesn't have the surgery. With the surgery he should do OK-we're not worried about that. (much) What adds to my worry is that after the surgery, no doctor in the state of Iowa will certify him as "Fit for Duty" as a police officer, even if he's 100% recovered. So his law enforcement career may well be pretty much over. Enough? No way--think about this. If he can't get a lateral transfer to somewhere in the city we'll lose our insurance. (Think MS, autism, early heart problems...) We'll be financially ruined. And I have to say--in the grand scheme that's pretty unimportant if he gets well and we all are together... Please keep us in your thoughts--I need that right now!!!"

Being a grown-up really sucks sometimes.

SO- all you praying types out there- my dear friend needs the peace of God that passes all understanding, she needs strength, she needs faith and to know that God is right there with them. Her kids need peace. Her husband needs peace and healing. They need favor and a lateral transfer so they don't lose their insurance. They need faith. They need provision through all this- and I know my God is faithful! He will take care of them, even through the hard times and trials. Please bombard heaven on their behalf. I know I am. I really do love you, Susan.